Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
