Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
