Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
