I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
