i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
