Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
