Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
