Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
