i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
