none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
