If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
