He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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