My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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