I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
