I just made out with a guy for $7.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
