she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
