I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
