I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
