He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
