Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
