I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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