I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
