2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i permit you to call me
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
