she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
