I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
