Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She bit a glass in half.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
