I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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