He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
