she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
