You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
