Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
