Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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