Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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