Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
