What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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