i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
