I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
