I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
