I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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