My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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