You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
