I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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