either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
