Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
