You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
