I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
