So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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