Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Can I color on your dick again?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
