This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
