Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
