so explain again why im purple
no
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
