Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
