I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
