He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
