is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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