Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Randomize
