Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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