Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
