i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
two words: eviction party
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My vagina is officially offended.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
