i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
