The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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